You Know You Are Addicted to the Internet When:

• You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
• You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
• You start introducing yourself as "David at I-I-Net dot net dot com"
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• Your dog has its own home page.
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again.
• Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
• You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• You move in to a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
• You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.gardon/house/brick.html
• You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.1 or higher."
• You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

From Dr. Ann Weeks-Humour Educator, (502) 458-2461.

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